So I've decided not to do Link Dump Friday this week. I thought to myself, "Your Majesty," which is how I always address myself, "people on the internets don't want to know about zombies or birds or dragons. They don't care about puzzles or pet sims. Why don't you take the day off and go cruising with the Baron and Baroness of Pursnovia aboard their paddle yacht?" And so I did. And that's why there is really, truly no Link Dump Friday this week. Sorry. Anything below this paragraph is just a figment of your overworked imagination.
Totem Breaker - You know those games with powerhouse production values, but with gameplay that's too lightweight to really back it up? This is one of those. The visuals are gorgeously cartoony, and the music is bouncy and catchy, but after you've blown up your third or fourth baddie using some very perplexing shaman magics, you start to wonder if maybe there wasn't some sort of miscommunication between the two departments. You know, like the art department was told to make something awesome, but somehow for the story and play department that translated into a weak so-so hand wiggle. Which, I understand, is also how Twilight movies are made. OH NO I D-IN'T.
Flaming Zombooka - [Parental Warning: Animated cartoon carnage.] Essentially Fragger but with some nonthreatening undead, this is a game about properly ricocheting your bazooka shots around a playfield to overcome the obstacles shielding the zombies. Which, y'know. Just sort of patiently stand there, waiting for it to happen. And I understand that the title is a play on words, sort of, which is fine. But, some day, before I die, longanimals and robotJAM owe me a flaming bazooka.
Tealygotchi - Remember Tealy? Sure you do. Want to take one home and love it and squeeze it and name it George? Sure you do! This little pet simulation is super cute, but not quite developed enough since it starts getting repetitive far too quickly. It's at least more entertaining than those things we begged our parents to buy us even though they were essentially about as fun as a rock with two googly eyes glued on it.
Bad Birds - Being one of the apparently three people in the history of creation who has not played Lemmings, I was forced to rely on public opinion when I heard that this puzzler was "Like Lemmings". However, a fellow reviewer informed me that this isn't "Like Lemmings"... it is Lemmings. Only with birds. Apparently bad ones at that. So there you go. ... stop looking at me that way, bird. Oh, you wanna go?! Then let's go! I'm badder'n you any day!
Fish Tales Deluxe - Despite being, apparently, deluxe, Fish Tales (woo-oo!) is just a bit too simple and repetitive to really rise above coffee break status for most gamers. (not to mention it does not save progress) Simply swim around, devouring everything smaller than you, and avoiding everything bigger. But Fish Tales (woo-oo!) is pretty darned cute, with big, cartoony graphics and simple, mostly relaxing gameplay. D-d-d-danger watch behind you, there's a bigger fish out to find you!
This comment isn't really about any of the games listed here. I just wanted to say that Dora's writing is the high-point of this whole site. I always look forward to her posts, and I'm never disappointed by her articulate creativity and inventive wit. She's a real asset to the site, and I hope she knows how much her presence is appreciated.
All I wanted to say :)
Here here! Ditto! :D
Dora. Is. The best.
Not only did you give an awesome Twilight flame, but you also referenced my favourite childhood cartoon! "What to do, just grab on to some Fishtales! (Woo-oo!)"
As a side note, is anyone else having trouble with Newgrounds? None of their games are loading for me. :(
Bad Birds really needs a fast forward button. Otherwise it's good.
On my end, the controls for Fish Tales are terrible..I'll stick to Feeding Frenzy!
Good games this week! I raised up a Tealy, and have had to pull myself away from playing any more Bad Birds as it is 2:30 in the morning and I need to go to sleep :)
If anyone's nostalgic for classic Lemmings (or is one of the poor unfortunate people who has never experienced the joy and wonder and glory that is Lemmings), there's a remake of it here:
https://jayisgames.com/archives/2004/07/dhtml_lemmings.php
I actually found the link on JIG, but it was posted 6 years ago, so people might not have seen it.
Tealygotchi is the cutest timewaster I've ever seen...
Well I tried 2 of these links and soon knew why they didn't merit a full review.
Bad Birds, as you say IS Lemmings (just not nearly as good). Seems little point in playing it. I don't mind someone copying the core idea and putting a new spin on it, but there's no new spin.
Flaming Zombooka is a real disappointment. Not beacuse its a bad game. It's a new spin on an old idea and I don't mind it for that. The shame is that for a longanimals and Robotjam get together its just a doodle. Their game Cyclomaniacs is the best game I have discovered via JIG since coming to this site for the first time earlier this year. They could probably make 10 Zombookas for 1 Cyclomanics and still Cyclomaniacs would be the better use of time.
By all the gods of lemmings past - how does anyone get through the "Jumpy" level of 'Bad Birds'?
It has me frantically clicking all over the place, and swearing out loud....
Anyone have any hints, aside from "suddenly develop the manual dexterity of an arcade wizard?"
Bad birds=Bad version of Lemmings.
Totem Braker is horrible.
Not only is the gameplay pointless, it's also buggy as hell. The game will often completely ignore the fact, that yes, you did in fact tumble that totem, and sometimes you will get a message that you failed the level even though your final bomb didn't even get to explode yet.
The game feels like playing a really nice-looking but otherwise utterly horrible version of Worms (or Scortched Earth, if you are old enough to remember it). What's the point of asking me for angle/power if I cannot scroll the screen to see what my target is? And why do miniscule changes in power affect the actual shot so powerfully? And why create so many levels instead of focusing on polishing the actual gameplay first?
Ah, who cares, the music is catchy. Niah niah niah niah niaah niaah, niah niah niah niah niaah niaah...
I agree, Bad birds is not "like" Lemmings, it *is* Lemmings. Of the "shameless rip-off" variety. Giana-sisters style.
Fish Tales is sorta blah...I prefer Fishy.
I've never played Lemmings either. I bet all three of us are right here at JIG.
And I guess I never will. Clicking does nothing. The stupid birds just ignore me. Moving on...I'll give Fish Tales a try.
Oh no, someone reminded me of the existence of Lemmings online, there goes my Friday!
Level 29 of Totem Breaker seems pretty much impossible to me. If anyone has a solution, which I suspect might require absolute precise timing, I'd love to hear it.
To get past the "Jumpy" level of Bad Birds:
If it's too difficult to control all of the birds at the same time, space them out. You only have to save half of the birds, so focus on EVERY OTHER bird. You'll soon be able to develop a routine to get those birds into the exit. It's just that no mistakes are allowed!
Fish Tales - I never understood the point of playing a game that lets your character grow...but then resets his size at the start of the next level. Living creatures do not work like Katamaris!!
And the lack of variety just helps emphasize this treadmill.
Honestly, though, I don't understand why my character wouldn't be incrementally larger at the start of each new level. That would be awesome - you see the overworld after the level is completed, so you'd know that in those distant dotted lines, you're going to reach some ridiculous proportions. How will it end? With you eating submarines? Blue Whales? Oil tankers? Entire coastal Islands?
Perhaps your growth will happen unchecked and exponentially, so that by the end, you'll find yourself swimming not through the sea, but through space, devouring planets whole. Or better, perhaps the twist is that you grow so large, you become small again: outgrowing the very confines of your old universe, your fish finds himself now but a dust mote within the ocean of a new Earth, because it actually is turtles all the way down...
Oh, the untapped possibilities.
I beat the "Hot Jump" level in Bad Birds, but the next level ("The Lair") did not unlock??
Yeah... I also never played Lemmings... so that should be all three of us...
Love the comments Dora, always do
fyi, in tealygochi, if you just walk away and ignore your tealy,
it can run away. Then you can choose to reset.
After it grew all the way, the game play was just very repetitive so I had to try it ^^;;
It was fun while it lasted though~ mini games as a way to educate/play w/ your dragon is a good idea, and different games for different age is good. Slow and a bit glitchy though.
I take back the nice things I said about Bad Birds. Jumpy is an absolutely AWFUL level, and even with the strategy I just can't click fast enough. I got 7 once, and the 8th guy fell off the cliff because I couldn't switch from Climber to Jumper fast enough. REAL Lemmings didn't have any "jumpers," AND it had hotkeys so you could switch back and forth between abilities without losing those precious seconds that happens when you change with the mouse.
/rant. Thanks for listening.
On my mother's eyes I was all, "That's it. I'm finally going to say how much I enjoy this person's writing." And then at the very top of the thread people were already all over it. Anyway Dora (is it?), consider writing a book! Unless that's what you already do, in which case, carry on.
Dora, the ducktales reference made my day:) The previous posters are right- your reviews are hilarious! Thanks for the good work.
Burn on Twilight.
Oo-rah, Go Dora.
Though I may sound like a total idiot, what is Lemmings?
@Anonime,
happily, someone actually made a remake, and in Javascript unbelievably enough. Just google "DHTML Lemmings". It lacks sound and music, but it's close enough to the original game to at least get a taste.
I agree with everyone else about how Bad Birds's flaws especially compared to Lemmings, but I was still kind of enjoying myself playing the extremely slow Bad Birds on a sleepy Saturday morning. But then I ran into the same problem as JiGuest. I had finished all the levels up to Hot Jump but it won't unlock The Lair.
It feels a bit like that old joke "The food is terrible here. And such small portions!"
I started Fish Tales Deluxe three times. Grr. Looking at the level map, I got the impression that
I would eventually turn into a something bigger than a shark
and I really really wanted to do that. But after the third time (slow learner? Fool me four times, shame on me?) my fish didn't reappear after I got eaten and I had to restart, I have finally given up.
I am a bit late to the party, being extremely busy with things this weekend, but I just wanted to say; thank you, sincerely, not only to everyone who has been so kind in their comments this weekend, but to everyone who reads this site's humble wordsmithery by choice without throwing up in their mouths a little. It's because you guys show up here daily that we've got this little corner of the internet to express ourselves on.
As for a book, who knows what mysteries and announcements the interwebs might hold at a later date?
... crap, that's dangerously close to us having a moment there, isn't it?
QUICK SAY SOMETHING.
UH.
UH.
MONKEYHAMMOCK!
Bad Birds just needs to be a little faster...because overall it's a good game!
Always looking forwards to Link Dumps.
In the game 'Bad Birds', the game entitled 'The Lair' does not unlock, making it impossible to play subsequent games after it.
Dora, I have a newfound respect for you. I mean, I respected you before, of course I did (glances around shiftily). Now I know that you, too, have never played Lemmings - I think that makes 4 of us now - and also, I saw your glorious comment on Twilight. Nicely done. Oh yes you did.
I also agree completely with Johnny_s, because I too find your posts witty and creative, but also Newgrounds never works for me either.
I feel sooo left out, guys... I have actually played Lemmings :( . Haven't seen or read Twilight, though! Anyone else in the club?
Oh, as for the games: I've been playing Fish Tales goggle-eyed for quite some time now, and I have yet to determine why I can't stop. It's probably the size 3 fish. So evil, you've got to eat the bastards, and imagine it's your troubles and tribulations or whatever.
@Chic, me too. I played Lemmings and I never even heard of Twilight. Well, I'm not still playing Fish Tales, but I am still goggle-eyed from finishing all the levels yesterday. I finished even though I found it frustrating that every time I reached the big fish size, I almost immediately finished the level. I would have liked to do a bit more marauding as the (almost) biggest fish in the pond.
For those wondering whether you get to be bigger than a shark if you reach the last level:
Alas, no, you just get a "You Win" screen. yay. The last few levels are just harder to eat and not be eaten at the smallest size. If I had known there was no prize at the end, I would never have gone beyond the first few levels.
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